How to talk to a therapist for the first time if you've never done it

How to talk to a therapist for the first time

You don't need to arrive with everything sorted. You don't even need to know what you want to say.

This is one of the things people don't realise: the therapist's job includes helping you figure out where to start. You don't need a prepared statement.

Before the session

You don't need to prepare anything specific. That said, if something particular is on your mind — a recent event, something you keep thinking about — you can mention it early. Your therapist will take it from there.

It's normal to feel nervous. You're about to talk to a stranger about things you might not discuss with anyone. The nervousness makes sense.

You're allowed to be uncertain about what you want. "I'm not quite sure what I need, but something isn't right" is a completely valid starting point.

During the session

Say what's true. Not what you think the therapist wants to hear. Not a tidied-up version of what's happening. What's actually going on.

If something doesn't make sense or you don't understand what you're being asked, say so. Good therapists want to be clear. They won't be bothered.

You're allowed to say "I don't want to talk about that yet." There's no obligation to cover everything immediately. A good therapist won't push you.

If you're holding back because you're embarrassed or worried about being judged — this is worth knowing: therapists hear everything. They're not going to be shocked. The things you've decided are most shameful are usually the things most worth saying.

After the session

Give it more than one session before deciding. First sessions are almost always a bit uncomfortable. They're supposed to be. You're starting something new.

It might feel strange to walk out. Like you've said things and now someone else holds them. That's an adjustment. Most people get used to it.

Between sessions, you don't have to do anything in particular. But if something comes up — a thought, a realisation, a thing you wanted to say — you can write it down. It often helps to bring it to the next session.